Making Good Love Better

Relationships, Character, and the Science of Positive Psychology

1. Shaun Kieran 10.2.08 / 5pm

   Blogging can be a tad too casual for some, but it doesn’t easily lend itself to academic level prose.

   As we experiment, we’ll try to strike the right note between off the top of the head rambling and overly-intellectual analysis.

   But I’m looking forward to a good conversation with you, Rick.

   You’ve got a piece of cyberspace!

   Shaun

   Reply
2. dconverse 10.21.08 / 2am

   Hi Rick-

   I was quickly checking definitions of guilt and shame to make sure I was in the ballpark when I started this small posting.

   It turns out the offerings are all over the place: some people make the most elaborate distinctions between guilt and shame, others barely acknowledge any distinction whatsoever.

   I tend to see guilt as a modestly higher order of mental functioning. It speaks to a kind of self-awareness beyond the audience “out there.”

   But apart from how hard it is to sort the differences out to anyone’s total satisfaction, of course, it’s made more complicated by recognizing the inherited “wiring,” and, on top of that, we experience our parents’ struggles with their own feelings of guilt and shame in very loyal, loving, and compelling ways.

   All of which is why, when we’re trying to help individuals, including those who are part of a couple, it’s one kind of problem if people are burdened with guilt and/or shame that interfere with growth, but it’s another kind of problem if people have developed the mental habit of choosing not to register guilt or shame – and more generally not even trying to develop character and conscience.

   Shaun

   Reply

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